


A Second Chance?

by RydenThisShip



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, M/M, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-29 07:48:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 20,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18774349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RydenThisShip/pseuds/RydenThisShip
Summary: Ryan has suffered an indescribable loss. He's convinced he's meant to go it alone for the rest of his life. Then Brendon enters the picture...A Ryden AU.





	1. Chapter 1

Brendon was dead asleep...or he was, before his phone so rudely woke him up. He lifted his bleary head and groped his bedside table for his glasses. Once he got them on, he took in the time on his digital clock: 4:01 AM. What the...?

Next, he lifted his phone from his table, and checked to see who was calling him. Ryan Ross? Enter WTF Moment #2. Ryan ended it. Said he couldn't do a relationship, so why the hell was he calling before even the ass-crack of dawn? Brendon contemplated letting the call just go to voice mail, but decided not to in case it truly was an emergency. He'd have felt too guilty if it was one and he didn't answer, especially given Ryan's history with emergencies.

"Hello?" Brendon answered, confused and wary.

"Brendon...hi," Ryan breathed, sounding relieved.

"Ryan...are you ok? You're not hurt or in trouble, are you?" Brendon asked, just like he would for any friend. 

"Oh, no, no. Nothing like that," Ryan rushed to reassure him. 

"Ok...," Brendon trailed off. "You do realize it's 4 AM, don't you? I was sleeping."

Ryan could definitely tell there was none of the lightness or fun in Brendon's tone that he was accustomed to. In fact, Brendon sounded irritated, angry even. This was not off to a good start. "Yes...yes, I do. I'm sorry for that. I missed you, and I just needed to talk to you."

Brendon laughed, but it had a sad, bitter edge to it. "Okay, well, I'd rather not do it right now if you don't mind. I have plans early tomorrow and I'm still really tired."

Ryan was taken aback: this Brendon was so different from the one he stopped hanging out with two months ago. He either really hurt Brendon more than he thought, or Brendon just didn't feel the need to put himself out there for Ryan again. Ryan wouldn't necessarily blame him for that.

"Ok...I'm...I'm sorry Brendon. Could we maybe meet sometime soon, you know, to catch up?" 

Brendon heaved a long sigh, and a prolonged quiet settled over the line. Finally, he answered.. "Okay, Ryan. I guess we can do that. Do you want to have coffee at the coffee shop tonight at 7?"

"Well," Ryan began, "I was actually hoping I could come over there or you come over here?"

Brendon's answer was instant. "No, Ryan. No...we can't do that. That won't work. I'd prefer for it to be a public place." 

That really startled Ryan. Brendon would have never done that before, but Ryan was eager to take what he could get. "O-Okay, Bren, that's fine."

Brendon sighed again. "Ryan...please, just...call me Brendon." He sounded so frustrated. 

Ryan swallowed a huge lump in his throat. "Sure, Brendon, of course. So I'll see you at 7 tonight at the coffee shop?"

Brendon answered, tone clipped, "Yeah, I'll see you then."

As Ryan went to make his goodbyes, the line was dead: Brendon had already ended the call. Ryan leaned back against his headboard, feeling sick and sad. He wasn't sure what he expected after ending things with Brendon and not calling for 2 months, but it definitely wasn't that. The behavior was so out of character from what he knew of Brendon, that he was actually kind of scared now.

Ryan set his phone aside and laid back down on his bed, but he knew he wouldn't be sleeping any more tonight. All he could think about was, now that he's finally gotten his thoughts together and decided to move on with his life, Brendon might not be there doing it with him. He might have really thrown it away when he walked away, or he waited to long too figure it out, or even both. 

Sorry tears leaked from his eyes, as he turned his head to look yet again at the picture of him and Sam on the nightstand, barely illuminated by the moonlight splashing in from his bedroom window. "Sam, I think I really fucked up, and I don't know how to fix it. I miss you so much, but I don't want to be alone anymore. But I think I drove away the one I should have moved on with. Please help me." At this, Ryan began sobbing in earnest. 

After about 30 minutes of hard crying, it finally slowed, until Ryan dropped off for a few hours of fitful sleep. 

 

——

 

Ryan was waiting patiently at the coffee shop. It was 7:15, and Brendon's wasn't there yet. Brendon had never been late before. In fact, Ryan had never beaten Brendon to any plans they'd ever had before. Ryan himself made sure to be there 5 minutes early, out of consideration for Brendon. He was really beginning to worry that he might get stood up.

Finally, at about 7:20, Brendon came in. He looked to the general direction where they usually sat when they would meet before, and spotted Ryan immediately. Ryan noticed right away that there was no cheerful wave, no warm or even mischievous smile to greet him. In fact, Ryan would even say Brendon's face was completely blank. Ryan's heart sank: this was not going to be easy. 

Brendon came over without bothering to order himself a drink, and sat at the opposite side of the table, stone straight. In the past, his posture would have been relaxed, and he would have been leaning in toward Ryan. Instead, he rested his arms on the table, clasped his hands, and looked at Ryan. He said nothing, not even hello.

Ryan scratched his neck, uncomfortable. "Hi, Brendon. Thanks for meeting me."

Brendon nodded once. "Hello, Ryan. What was it you needed to talk about?"

Ryan stared down at the coffee mug in his hand. "I...I missed you, Brendon."

Brendon turned and looked out the window at the evening traffic. "I'm sorry to hear that Ryan. Was there something you needed from me?" 

Ryan's heart dropped a little further into his stomach. Brendon had decidedly not said he'd missed Ryan. "I've been doing a lot of thinking since I last saw you. I know I wasn't ready to move on before, or for a relationship, because of Sam. But I realized I had to let that go, because I'm going to be lonely and miserable for the rest of my life if I don't. And I really care about you Brendon, I always did. I was hoping...we could maybe start hanging out again?" 

Brendon's expression changed, but it's still wasn't the one Ryan wanted to see. This one looked like...pity? "Ryan," he began, voice softer than before, "I'm really pleased for you that you realized you need to move on. That will be the healthiest thing for you. And I really care about you too, but... I just don't think you can move on with me."

Ryan felt Brendon's words sting in his chest, and a lump the size of a golf ball in his throat. "O-Oh...um...why not? I know I'm free to move on, unlike before. No mixed signals, I promise!" Ryan knew he sounded a bit desperate, but that's because he was. 

Brendon sighed, but it was sad this time. "That's not why, Ryan. When you left, and I didn't hear from you for about a month, I decided to move on. I can't sit and waste my life on things that are never going to happen, and with not hearing from you, I took you at your word. So...I'm actually seeing someone else."

Ryan felt like the world's biggest idiot. Of course Brendon was seeing someone else - how could he not think of that possibility? Brendon was still young too, and he didn't want to be alone any more than anyone else. Not to mention the fact that he was also very attractive and charming - of course he'd get plenty of interest from other guys. He had no reason to wait around for Ryan, and Ryan certainly didn't give him any hope in that direction. And now it made sense why Brendon wanted to meet in public: out of respect for his...partner, boyfriend, whatever?

"Wow, Brendon. I'm so sorry. I'm so stupid. That never even occurred to me and it totally should have. You're a fun, attractive, desirable guy, and I gave you no reason to be waiting around on me. I'm so sorry to have intruded," Ryan told him, looking him right in the eye. The words killed him, but he genuinely cared about Brendon and wanted him to be happy. "How long have you guys been dating? What's his name?"

Brendon raised his eyebrow, uncertain about sharing details with Ryan, but elaborated after a few seconds. "We've been going out for about 3 weeks now, I guess. A handful of dates. His name is Dallon. He's in a local band, and works in a record store near here, which is where I met him. He's a lot of fun."

Ryan nodded, despite the nausea that was settling rapidly in his stomach. "I'm glad for you Brendon. You're a lot of fun too, so you deserve that back," Ryan said with a sad smile. "Does he know you're meeting with me?"

Brendon nodded instantly. "Of course. I didn't want to be dishonest with him. Not really a good foundation to build a relationship on."

Ryan nodded and gave Brendon a small smile. With every passing piece of information Brendon gave him, Ryan felt sicker and sicker. He knew without a doubt now that he fucked up. That little gut feeling that he was throwing away something amazing the day he ended it? Those were his instincts screaming at him not to do it, but he couldn't listen. He just wasn't ready. Ryan just felt so fucked, no matter what he did. First, he lost the love of his life to a car accident after 4 amazing years. Then he met a second amazing man, but pushed him away from guilt and sadness over his dead soulmate. A scary thought then occured to Ryan: he might just be meant to be alone. 

"Well, Brendon," he started, "I'm happy for you." He meant it, truly. "You're wonderful, and you deserve to be happy."

Brendon tilted his head and looked at him sadly, but with the old caring glinting in his eyes. "So do you, Ryan. You know I care about you. And if I weren't already with someone else, I might consider giving it another go. But I can't let go of my developing relationship for one I already know had a good chance of not panning out."

Ryan nodded, smiling sadly. "I know," he said softly. "I wouldn't ask you to do that."

Brendon was quiet for a moment, but then said, "Could you handle being friends now? I still really like and care about you, and being friends now would make me happy." 

Ryan just looked at Brendon silently for a moment. Could he handle being just friends, when he's pretty damn certain he wants Brendon's affection, and eventually, love? He figured it'd be the only way to stay close to Brendon. And maybe it's not healthy for him to hope that Brendon and Dallon don't work out. He would never, ever tell Brendon that anyway, or say or do anything negative in regard to their relationship. He decided that yes, friends will have to do. Maybe he'd meet someone else himself at some point. At least now he'd be emotionally available to someone. And if he didn't, maybe he could just become settled with being romantically alone and be happy with a few good friends. And Brendon would be a good addition in that department. 

"Yeah, Brendon, I would like that. Maybe after a while, after you guys are more established, I could meet Dallon. Maybe I'll even meet someone and we can double date." Ryan laughed at himself.

Brendon chuckled too. "Maybe so," he smiled, genuine for the first time all night. "We'll see how things go. But why don't we actually catch up? Tell me what's been going on with you..."


	2. Chapter 2

~16 months ago~

 

  Ryan had just gotten home from work, late again. First, his boss made him stay and take on some extra work left by a coworker who called in sick. Yeah, right - she was probably out shopping again. Then, he missed the bus by two minutes and had to wait an extra 20 for the next one. He was tired, he was hungry, and he was in a foul mood.

  And where was Sam? He should have been home. It was his day off, even. He looked out the window of their apartment, and Sam's car wasn't in their assigned parking spot. Now Ryan was really confused, but he was sure Sam would be along shortly.

  After he hung up his jacket, he passed by the phone on his way to get a drink. He saw the voice mail light was flashing, so he dialed into the system and put it on speaker so he could hear. The first message was just his dad, wanting him to call back. But the second message...that one got his attention. 

   "This message is for Ryan Ross. Mr. Ross, this is Sunrise Medical Center. You are listed as the emergency contact for a Samuel Thomas. Mr. Thomas has been in an auto accident and has been admitted to our care..."

  Ryan's glass dropped to the floor and shattered, water and glass flying everywhere. He didn't wait for the message to finish, or stop to clean up the mess. He was already on his way out the door, to the street, to hail a taxi.

 

——

  45 minutes later, Ryan was sat in the emergency waiting room of the medical center. The only information he could get was that Sam had been brought in 3 hours ago, and was in emergency surgery to try to repair internal bleeding. Something had happened that caused him to crash his car head-on into a tree. 

  Ryan sat with his head in his hands, rocking himself back and forth to try and stay calm. Sam would be ok, he had to be. Ryan told himself that as long as he loved him enough and believed hard enough, that Sam would recover, and everything would go back to normal.

After Ryan had been waiting around two hours, he heard, "Ryan Ross?" He jumped up immediately and headed to the nurse who had called him. "Yes?" he said. "How is Sam?"

  "Mr. Thomas sustained quite a heavy head trauma, resulting in a significant concussion. He also had internal bleeding around his spleen, which we believe we've gotten stopped, as well as 4 broken ribs. But we believe we have him stabilized for the time being. You can go back and be with him, Mr. Ross."

  Ryan breathed a sigh of relief, and wiped tears from his eyes as he nodded. He followed the nurse to Sam's room. He was not prepared for what he saw. 

  Sam had a huge bandage around his head, and both his eyes were blackened. He had what seemed like millions of wires and IV lines leading from his body to various machines to monitor and keep him alive. Ryan's heart was torn to shreds at seeing his soulmate's body so broken. 

  He pulled the chair right up next to the bed, and gently took the hand that did not have an IV line in it. "I'm here, baby," he whispered. "You rest. Let me be strong for you now."

  Ryan sat for hours, just holding Sam's hand and willing his body to heal. He was startled to hear a rough intake of breath, and looked up to see Sam looking at him through barely-opened eyes. "Ryan..." he whispered roughly.

  "Shhhh, baby," Ryan soothed, petting his hand. "It'll be ok now, I'm here." 

  Sam just barely squeezed his hand back. "Love you, Ry..." he whispered again. 

  Ryan gave him a teary smile. "And I love you, baby. It's going to be ok. You just rest. I'm gonna call your mom and dad, ok?" 

  Sam nodded just barely and closed his eyes again. Ryan stepped out of the room and down to the waiting area, to call Sam's parents and fill them in, so they could come to the hospital. Just as he ended the call, he heard some kind of an alarm and saw a flurry of nurses and doctors go running. He looked after them, and saw that they were headed into Sam's room. 

  Ryan bolted down the hall, and into Sam's room. He saw the medical team surrounding his bed, giving adrenaline to try to restart his heart. When that didn't work, the doctor brought over the defibrillator and made one, two, three attempts at regaining a heart beat. After that third try, then doctor sighed, and looked up at the clock. "Time of Death, 10:57 PM," she said sadly to the nurse. 

  Ryan positively wailed. He started toward Sam's bed, but two male nurses caught him and held him back as he struggled and cried. It was no use: they were far stronger than he was. Then the fight left Ryan and he broke down sobbing hysterically. The same nurses helped him over to sit in the chair, and there he broke down until Sam's parents appeared, only to find out their son had already passed while they were on their way there. 

 

——

  Ryan was a wreck, all the way through the day of the funeral. His dad and Sam's parents took turns making sure he wasn't alone. When the day of the service arrived, Ryan just felt numb. He just refused believe it was real.

  It wasn't until they were at the grave site, and the casket was lowered into the ground, that Ryan broke down again. He just felt hopeless. Sam was his rock. They were connected on every level. They were supposed to spend the rest of their lives together. Instead they were cheated into only 4 short years. Ryan was only 22. Yet he didn't know how he could ever love again. A new relationship would be impossible, because no one could ever measure up once he'd already had the best. 

  Ryan resigned himself that very day to the idea that he'd be alone for the rest of his life.


	3. Chapter 3

~3 months ago~

  Ryan was sitting in a small coffee shop near his apartment that he liked to hang out in so he didn't feel so alone. Sam had been gone for just over a year now, 13 months yesterday to be exact. Ryan fell into a routine after Sam was gone: Get up, go to work, come home and find some way to distract himself, sleep (when he could), repeat. Ryan wouldn't say he was depressed, because he wasn't really feeling anything at all - just numb.

Ryan never went out or did anything with anyone to speak of. Occasionally, he'd visit his dad. Sometimes, Sam's parents would check on him, but he'd never been exceptionally close with them. All their joint friends stayed away, because they just didn't know what to say or how to handle the situation. So outside of work, Ryan didn't even talk much these days. Even Ryan's dad, who normally didn't get involved with such things, tried to gently nudge his son into getting himself back out into the world of the living. But Ryan just couldn't hear it. 

  Tonight, he was sitting with his notebook, just waiting to see if any words would come out so he could express himself. He had always liked writing in the past, but with his feelings so bottled up, so it seemed the words were bottled too. It only served to make him feel more frustrated. He was stuck.

  He happened to hear the little door bell jingle the next time someone came into the shop. He looked up and took in the sight of a guy around his age coming in. He was, even Ryan had to admit, gorgeous: thick, soft-looking dark hair quiffed on top of his head; huge, deep-brown eyes; plump, red lips. Ryan even blushed to realize he'd taken a stare at the young man's ass, which looked round and firm, and honestly amazing, in very tight skinny jeans. This guy was hot. You'd have to be blind not to notice. 

  As he glanced up further, he noticed the guy was staring back at him with a soft smile. Ryan quickly ducked his head and went back to his notebook. He didn't want to give the guy the wrong idea. He wasn't intrigued - he wasn't.

  A couple of minutes later, he heard a soft, deep voice say, "Excuse me?"

  He looked up to see the young man standing right by him, smiling. "I noticed you were sitting alone and wondered if it might be ok if I sat with you? The shop is really busy tonight and the only free tables are for big groups."

  Ryan hesitated a moment, but didn't see any harm in being kind to a stranger. He offered a small, polite smile and said, "Sure. Help yourself."

  "Thanks," the guy said with a larger, sunny smile. He held out his hand. "My name's Brendon."

  Ryan smiled again, larger, and said, "Ryan Ross. Nice to meet you," shaking Brendon's hand.

  "I've never seen you around here before, Ryan. I come here quite a bit. Are you new to the area?" Brendon asked.

  Ryan shook his head. "No. I just come kind of randomly, with no set schedule." 

  Brendon nodded. "And what do you do for work, Ryan Ross?"

  "I work for the newspaper. I edit articles, but I'm just kind of a peon, mostly," Ryan shrugged.

  Brendon laughed. "Me too. I'm an executive assistant. Not my dream job but it pays the bills." 

  Ryan nodded. He really didn't have anything more to say, so he looked back to his notebook and started trying to write a poem. A few minutes passed of them quietly sitting together, and Brendon drinking his coffee. Then Brendon stood to leave.

  "Ryan, it was really nice meeting you. I need to be going. I was wondering....could I get your number? Maybe we could hang out sometime?"

  Ryan bit his lip. This is the first time he'd encountered this situation since Sam had died. He definitely did not want to date. But did hanging out have to mean dating? Not necessarily. Maybe he could make a friend who wasn't around for all the bad stuff in the past. Then conversations wouldn't have to be so awkward. 

  "Sure, Brendon." Ryan wrote his name and number on a piece of notebook paper, tore it out, and gave it to Brendon. 

  "Awesome," Brendon beamed. "I'll call you and maybe we can catch a movie soon. See ya, Ryan!" And with that, Brendon headed off. 

  Ryan sat feeling guilty and conflicted. Was he cheating on Sam? He knew everyone around him would say no, Sam had died, but Ryan hadn't and had every right to move on. But Ryan couldn't help but feel like he was. He justified it to himself by saying that he just needed some company, because it wasn't good for him to be alone all the time. Because if Ryan was sure of one thing, it was that he was tired of feeling so alone. 

  But Ryan couldn't, and wouldn't, get involved romantically, with Brendon or anyone else. His heart just didn't belong to him to give away.


	4. Chapter 4

~2 months ago~

 

  Ryan and Brendon had been hanging out quite a bit over the past month. They'd gone to the movies, gone bowling, and had dinner at each other's apartments, as well as had coffee at the coffee shop. After a couple of times hanging out, Brendon would move in to try to kiss him, but Ryan would always turn his head so Brendon caught his cheek. He could sense Brendon's hurt at the rejection, but Ryan could not help it. A kiss would definitely feel like cheating on Sam. 

  Tonight they had gone out to play mini-golf at one of the big fun centers near the Strip. They'd had a great time, both teasing each other over how much each of them sucked at the game. Ryan felt something in the midst of their banter: warmth in his chest. And that scared the shit out of him. He was cheating on Sam, for sure. 

  He was quiet on the bus ride home. Brendon noticed but didn't want to push him over it. When they got to Brendon's apartment, he invited Ryan up for a beer, and Ryan hesitantly accepted. 

  He settled on the couch in Brendon's living room and Brendon brought the drinks in. They sat together there, but once Brendon sat down pressed against him, Ryan scooted over and put some distance between them. He could see the hurt in Brendon's eyes all over again.

  They were quiet for a minute, then Brendon finally said, "Ryan, I need to ask you something, and just be honest with me. Why is it that every time I try to move things forward with us a little, you pull away? I'd hoped it was obvious, but I really like you, Ry. I even feel like I'm falling for you, and I just need to know if I'm doing something wrong."

  Ryan stared at Brendon wide-eyed. Falling for him?? Oh shit, oh no, that couldn't happen. Ryan needed to nip this in the bud, right now.

"Brendon, I...I need to tell you a story. Before I do, let me say that you're a wonderful guy. I enjoy your company and friendship so very much."

  Brendon chuckled dryly. "Why do I get the distinct feeling I'm about to be friend-zoned?"

  Ryan sighed. "Just listen....Long before we met, I was in a long-term relationship, like over 4 years long. His name was Sam. We were in love in every way. Long story short, we didn't break up. He died in a car accident 14 months ago. He was ripped out of my life, and it was so unfair."

  Brendon's face fell, and Ryan could see his eyes were glassy with tears. "Oh, Ryan...I'm so sorry, Ry."

  Ryan smiled sadly. "I know, and thank you. But what I'm trying to tell you is, I'm still in love with Sam. I can't date you, Brendon. That would be cheating on him in my eyes. I was just hanging out because I really wanted a friend...someone whose company I can enjoy. I can't get romantically involved - I already am. I don't have my own heart to give. Sam took it with him when he went."

  Brendon regarded Ryan quietly for a few moments. "But Ryan, and I don't mean to be insensitive here...Sam died. You can't cheat on him, because he can't be in a relationship with you anymore. I'm not saying that to try to get you to do what I want. I'm saying it because if you stick to thinking this way, you'll only be alone for the rest of your life." 

  Ryan flinched. He knew he wasn't going to ever be able to explain this in a way anyone else would understand. "I know what you are saying, Bren, and I know that virtually anyone else would tell me the exact same thing. But I just can't see it that way. Sam was my soulmate. It was so clear we were meant to be together forever. I can't change that just because he's not around anymore."

  Brendon nodded sadly and looked at his lap. "So...you're saying I have no chance with you aside from being friends?"

  Ryan nodded. "I'm sorry, Bren, but that's what I'm saying. Please don't take it personally, because no one else has a chance either." Ryan was actively squashing the part of his brain that felt immensely attracted to Brendon, both physically and relationally. Brendon made him feel warm and cared for. And if Ryan were able to be honest with himself, Brendon turned him on, too. 

  Brendon sighed hard. "I'm not sure how to go forward then, Ryan. I can't help what I feel. I'm really strongly attracted to you. It's not just physical, though. It's who you are. I just long to be closer to you all the time. I'd like to say I could be just friends, but I don't think that would be being honest with you or myself."

  Ryan stared sadly. " I'm sorry, Bren," he whispered. "I'm just not available in that way. Are you certain we can't work it out to be friends?" 

  Brendon shook his head. "I can't force that any more than you feel like you can date someone."

  Ryan's heart clenched. It was screaming at him that he was about to throw away a big opportunity with a great guy. But instead he said quietly, "Then we're going to have to break off spending time together."

  Brendon dropped his head and nodded, but Ryan could see the tears falling into his lap. "Okay, then. I think you better go." 

  Ryan stood slowly, hating to leave Brendon hurting like this. "Bren..." he started, hesitating.

  "Just go, Ryan, ok? I need some time to myself." Brendon wouldn't look at him. 

"Okay," Ryan whispered sadly. He went to the door, took a quick glance back at Brendon crying quietly on his sofa, and let himself out. 

 

——

  Ryan did a lot of internal battle with himself over the next few weeks. He kept telling himself, 'I did what I had to do. I'm still in love with Sam. It wouldn't have been fair to him or Brendon.' Even as he told himself that, though, he had a sense of dread that he might have been throwing away one of the best things that ever happened to him. 

  But now Ryan was more lonely than ever. The time he used to spend with Brendon felt like an even bigger hole in his life than it had before. And not only that, he missed Brendon as a person: his smile, his laugh, his goofy sense of humor. He missed Brendon's terrible jokes, and the way he was so warm and caring. He even missed just seeing Brendon's gorgeous face. 

  Ryan tried to do what he had previously done best: distract himself. He took on extra projects at work, and stayed late any time he was able to. He took up trying to do more cooking, and make more elaborate recipes. He got a Netflix subscription and started binge watching TV shows. He spent more time with his dad. Anything he could think of to do that wouldn't make him think of Brendon, he did. And he never stepped foot near the coffee shop. 

   One night about 2 months after he and Brendon ended their relationship, Ryan finally got a night of good, deep sleep. In that sleep he had a dream: the kind of dream that was so lucid, it seemed perfectly real. And in that dream, Sam came to him. 

  "Sam, is that you?" Dream Ryan whispered in disbelief. 

  Dream Sam smiled warmly at him. "Yeah, Ry, it's me."  
    
  He rushed to Sam and hugged him tight. "Fuck...I have missed you so much," he said through tears. 

  Sam chuckled, "And I miss you, Ry. But I'm better now. My body was just too broken to go on. It's you I'm worried about."

  Ryan frowned, "Why? I've been doing ok!"

  Sam gave Ryan a knowing look: he'd always been able to call Ryan on his bullshit. "No, you are not fine, Ryan. You're all alone. And you're lonely and sad. You're still alive - you're not meant to be all alone."

  "But baby, I can't cheat on you..." Ryan whispered.

  Sam took his hand. "Ryan, if you had died, would you want me to be all alone...lonely and sad?" 

  Ryan shook his head. "No, I'd want you to be happy, even without me..." Ryan trailed off, and looked up at Sam as what he was saying started to sink in. 

  Sam nodded. "Exactly, Ry. It's not cheating. I'm not there anymore for you to have a relationship with. I know you love me, and if I hadn't gone, we'd be together. But we didn't get that choice. And I don't want you to be alone. And you have a chance to be with someone...someone wonderful, who I know you care about. And I'm pretty sure you love him. Brendon is good, Ryan. If I could have picked for you, he's exactly what I'd pick."

  "Really?" Ryan seemed so sad and small.

  "Yes, really. Do not feel guilty about being with him: I want you to be happy, truly, ok?"

  Ryan nodded, "Ok. I think you're right. I think I am in love with him. I'm so sorry, Sam."  Ryan hung his head, but Sam put a finger under his chin, and lifted his head so Ryan would look at him.

Sam shook his head. "Don't be, Ry. It's your chance for happiness. Don't waste it."

  Ryan nodded, and hugged Sam tight again. He pulled back, and was leaning in to touch lips with Sam...

...and Ryan snapped wide awake. He sat bolt-upright in bed, panting. That dream had been surreal. It was like Sam was right there in front of him. But he knew some important truths now. He knew now it wasn't possible to cheat on Sam anymore. He knew Sam wanted him to be happy. And most importantly, he knew that he was in love with Brendon. 

  Ryan looked over at the clock. 4 AM. Well, it was shitty timing, but the phone call he needed to make to Brendon was already long overdue.


	5. Chapter 5

~Present Day~

 

  Ryan got home from the coffee shop around 9 pm. He genuinely enjoyed talking and catching up with Brendon. Maybe he can't have Brendon like he really wants him, but this is the next best thing. And taking a step back into the world of having friends is a step in the right direction.

  With the thought about friends rolling in his brain, he made a rather impromptu decision: he decided to call Spencer.

  Spencer was Ryan's best friend, starting in kindergarten, all the way through high school. He lost touch with Spencer about 3 ½ years ago, right as Spencer went on his internship before his final year of college. He heard through the grapevine that Spencer had gotten a job with a record label and moved to LA. Ryan had Sam, so he stayed in Las Vegas. Both men got busy with their own lives, and grew in separate directions.

  Ryan hoped the number he had for Spencer was still good. He pulled up the contact and hit the button to call. It rang about 5 times, and then it connected.

  "Hello? Ryan?" It was definitely Spencer.

  Ryan smiled at hearing the comforting, familiar voice. "Hi Spence - how are you?"

  "I'm fine, Ryan, how are you? I gotta say - this is a surprise. But I'm glad to hear from you!"

  "Really?" Ryan asked with surprise. "I'm not intruding or anything? Is this a good time?" 

  "Not at all," Spencer assured. "We just finished cleaning up dinner and have nothing going on. Tell me, how are you? Are you still with Sam?"

  Ryan's heart clenched painfully, and he realized this is why he didn't make contact with his old friends sooner, because he was going to have to explain this to them. But he knew it was time, if he was actually going to heal and move on with his life. "Um, no, Spence. But we didn't break up. He...he died in a car accident about 16 months ago." 

  "Oh my God, Ryan, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you," Spencer said sadly.

"Oh Spence, that is so you, but you have nothing to be sorry for. We had both just lost touch, and you couldn't have known. In fact, up until about 3 months ago, I just made a hermit of myself. I couldn't bear to talk to anyone about it. But I've recently realized if I don't change that, I'm going to be totally alone, and I needed to reach back out to my real friends. So you immediately came to mind," Ryan explained.

  "I'm so glad you thought of me, Ry, seriously. But what happened 3 months ago that changed things?"

  Ryan took a deep breath. "Well, I met this guy...Brendon. And he asked me out. And he is awesome, Spence, really. Fun, funny, gorgeous, sweet. We went on some dates. But I fucked it up. And then I realized I wanted him too late, so..."

  "What do you mean, you fucked It up, Ry?" Spencer sounded confused. "I know you wouldn't cheat."

  "No, nothing like that. I was just...I was totally standoffish with him the whole time we went out. I guess I never really treated it like us going out; more like two friends hanging out. I really kept him at arm's length. I was scared of getting involved again, and I felt guilty, like I was cheating on Sam. He wanted to know why I held things back from moving forward, and told me he was falling for me. So I decided it wasn't fair to him that I'd never be totally available to him, and I ended it. Only to realize after two months that I missed him so much, and I needed to move on with my life. But he met me for coffee, and he's been seeing someone new for 3 weeks." Ryan sighed hard.

  "Oh," Spencer said, "that sucks. So...where do you go from here?"

  "Well, we agreed to stay friends. I genuinely like him as a person, and he cares about me, I know that. And I need friends right now. I gotta at least reintegrate myself into living society again. And maybe in the process, I'll meet someone else. I just want him to be happy - he had no reason to wait on me. I didn't give him any hope when I ended it, and he didn't hear from me for 2 months. It's not his fault. He deserves to live his life."

  "That's all true, Ry," Spencer started, "but are you gonna be ok with this other guy in the picture? I mean...it sounds to me like you more than like him. Are you gonna be able to handle it?"

  Ryan sighed. "If I want him in my life, and I do, I have to, Spence. Maybe we were just meant to be friends. At least now I'm open to meeting someone, whereas when I met him, we hit it off despite me fighting it tooth and nail."

  "Ok, Ry. I just don't want you to be hurt. But here's what I really want to know: when can we have a visit?" Spencer's bright, happy question perked Ryan up immediately.

"Oh man, I'd love that. Um, maybe one of us can road trip to the other soon?" Ryan was so excited at the thought of meeting with Spencer again. 

  "Well, how about this? I have a 3 day weekend coming up. I can take an extra couple of days off and come see you. Can you get a couple of vacation days off too?"

  Ryan grinned. "Yes I can! Oh God, I'm so excited. I've really missed you Spence!"

  "'Me too, Ry. I better get going. But I'll text you in the next couple of days and we'll make concrete plans, ok?"

  "Absolutely, Spence - can't wait to see you!"

 

——

  It was mid-morning Thursday and Ryan was running around cleaning his apartment in anticipation of Spencer's arrival. He'd already been to the grocery, and was putting on the finishing touches of his cleaning for his warmly welcomed guest, when his phone rang.

  Ryan walked to the kitchen table and picked it up. It was Brendon. Ryan was surprised to say the least. "Hello?"

  "Ryan! Hey! I just called to see how you're doing." That characteristic warmth was back in Brendon's voice, and it caused Ryan to relax. 

  "Hey, Brendon. I'm actually doing great. My best friend is coming into town to visit. I haven't seen him in over 3 years so I'm really excited."

  "That's awesome," Brendon enthused. "Have you told me about him before?"

  "No I hadn't, since we'd lost touch a while back. But since I am reintegrating friends into my life and re-entering the world of the living, I gave him a call. His name is Spencer. He works for a record label out in LA."

  "That's really great, Ryan. I'm proud of you. I'd love to meet him, if you guys have time?"

  Ryan really liked the idea. He knew Brendon and Spencer would hit it off. "Of course. We don't have any hard plans in place. We could meet you somewhere in town, maybe on the Strip or at a movie? You can bring Dallon if you want." Ryan knew that meeting Dallon when Spencer was there as support would be the best way for him to handle it. 

  "Well, if it won't be intruding...," Brendon hesitated.

  "Not at all. We're friends. You should meet my best friend, and I should meet your boyfriend, Brendon."

  But Brendon made a disagreeing noise. "Uh, not my boyfriend, Ry. Not official like that. We've just been on several dates."

Ryan was surprised, because he took Brendon as a lot more firm in their relationship at the cafe. "Oh, sorry Brendon. My mistake."

  "It's ok. And...you can call me Bren. I'm sorry about that on the phone the other day. I was tired and grumpy."

  Ryan smiled and said, "Ok, Bren. It's no problem."

  "Ok," Brendon said happily. "We're pretty open this weekend so just text me when you want to meet and where and we'll work something out."

  "Ok, Bren...looking forward to it." Ryan finished the call. He felt warm over things being natural with Brendon again. He'd hated when things were strained between them. But he knew he couldn't let that feeling of warmth get too out of hand though, since Brendon had Dallon now. He decided to go with it, however, since he'd spent so much of the past 16 months feeling so very cold and alone.


	6. Chapter 6

  It was Saturday evening, and Ryan and Spencer were preparing to go out. They had made plans to meet Brendon and Dallon at a club down on the Strip. Ryan thought the less intimate atmosphere would make taking seeing Brendon with Dallon a bit easier. 

  Spencer was well aware that it was going to be a bit difficult for Ryan to see Brendon with another guy that he was dating. Despite Ryan not saying so, years of being best friends gave Spencer the insight to tell him that Ryan was head over heels for Brendon. But he wasn't intruding, knowing that Ryan had to work it all out for himself. 

  At 9 PM, they got into Spencer's car and headed out. Since Spencer was staying in a hotel on the Strip, Ryan planned to just crash in his room then head home the next morning. They had set it to meet Brendon and Dallon at 9:30.

  Spencer and Ryan finally got into the club around 9:40. All Spencer had to do was flash his record label credentials, and he and Ryan got to skip the line. Ryan was grateful to not have to wait in line and be appraised by the bouncer. He wasn't worried about Brendon getting in - he was gorgeous. Ryan assumed Brendon would have attracted someone equally stunning to date. Ryan soon found out he wasn't wrong about that. 

   When they headed for the bar, he saw Brendon already there. And the guy, Dallon, pressed up right to his side, was a stunner. He was tall, even taller than Ryan or Spencer. He had medium brown hair that just swooped into his eyes, which upon closer view were a stunning shade of blue. Ryan looked at Brendon as the two men talked, and Brendon smiled widely at his date. Ryan felt a heavy weight in the pit of his stomach but shook it off the best he could. He was determined to be a supportive friend.

  Brendon turned and saw him before he could say anything, and grinned at him wildly. "Hey Ryan! So glad you could meet us! This is my date, Dallon Weekes. Dallon, this is my good friend, Ryan Ross. And I assume this must be Spencer Smith?"

  Spencer stepped forward, smiling broadly and offered Brendon his hand. "I am. It's so good to finally meet you Brendon. Ryan's told me a lot about you. But I'll try to overlook it, because you seem nice anyway."

  Brendon burst out laughing as he shook Spencer's hand. "Spencer, I like you already. You're my kind of dude."

Spence laughed in return. "Yes, I heard that we should get along well. It's nice to meet you too, Dallon."

  Dallon, as if noticing he needed to kick into gear, tore his eyes from where he'd been staring Ryan down, and offered a big smile to Spencer that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Likewise. Say, you're not the Spencer Smith that runs A&R for Fueled by Ramen, are you?"

  Spencer held his hands up in surrender. "Guilty as charged. Please don't convict me by association with that nut Pete Wentz!" 

  Dallon laughed. "I wouldn't dream of it." Dallon then looked down and took a sip of his drink, all without ever having said a word to Ryan. Ryan shared a glance with Brendon, who then gave a puzzled look at Dallon for being so rude to his friend. Ryan then turned and raised his eyebrows at Spencer, who mouthed "awkward" to him while neither Brendon or Dallon were looking.

  "Well, it doesn't look like we're getting a booth in the regular seating. I hate doing this normally, but I don't want to stand at this bar all night," Spencer said. "I'm gonna go see if I can wrangle us a VIP booth."

  "Ooh, can I come?" Brendon asked. "I wanna see you in action, Spencer!" 

  Spencer laughed. "Sure thing."

  Brendon looked to Dallon and leaned into his ear. "Hey, please at least try with Ryan? We are doing really well at being friends, and it would mean a lot to me," he said quietly.

  Dallon nodded and pecked Brendon a small kiss. Then Brendon hurried off with Spencer. 

  Ryan had gotten a beer in the meantime, and had his back leaned up against the bar. He didn't want to push Dallon. He hoped Dallon would warm up to him, though. Dallon cut a look to the side at Ryan for a long time, then turned toward him. "So, Ryan..." he began.

  "Hey there," Ryan smiled and nodded at Dallon. He was trying to keep it easy and casual. Dallon's whole demeanor changed, though. He stared at Ryan coldly. "I know you're just trying to get into his pants," he spat.

  Ryan's eyes flew wide in shock. "E-excuse me?" Ryan stuttered.

  Dallon got right in Ryan's face. "You. Are trying. To get. Into. Brendon's. Pants. But it won't work. He's with me now."

  Ryan just stared at Dallon for a good 30 seconds before he could collect his thoughts to respond. "Who Brendon does or doesn't sleep with has nothing to do with me. I'm not trying to get into his pants. I'm just trying to be his friend because I really need those right now, and he's a good one. And for your information, not that it's any of your business, I haven't slept with anyone since my boyfriend died 16 months ago."

  Dallon scoffed loudly. "Oh yeah - your little sob story about your dead boyfriend. Brendon told me all about that."

  Ryan held onto control of himself but he was furious. "Wow. You're a fucking asshole. Very curious at this point what Brendon sees in you, but that's his business, not mine."

  Dallon laughed. "Well, I can't answer that, but what I see in him is my dick. Repeatedly."

  Ryan's eyebrows nearly flew into his hairline in shock, but before he could respond to that, Brendon and Spencer had returned. "He is amazing," Brendon gushed about Spencer. "He got us a prime booth. It was a pleasure watching him work!" Ryan quickly smiled at Brendon and Spencer, to cover the shock and anger he was reeling from inside. 

  Spencer laughed and motioned the direction they should follow. "See the girl in the sequin dress I'm waving at? Head towards her and she'll lead us there."

  "Hey Bren, why don't you and Dallon go ahead? I just remembered something I needed to tell Spencer about while you were gone. We'll be there in just a minute." Ryan was keen to fill Spencer in, and to get himself calmed down. He didn't care if Dallon read into it or not.

  Brendon nodded and took Dallon's hand. "Ok, Ry. We'll see you in a minute." He and Dallon started heading off in the direction of the woman Spencer pointed out. Dallon gave a cutting side glance at Ryan as they walked away, but Ryan didn't give a shit. 

  Once they were far enough away, Spencer turned to Ryan. "Ok, what's wrong?" he asked. They hadn't spent years as best friends for nothing. "Did something go down with Dallon while we were gone?"

  "Oh my God, Spencer," Ryan began. "Dallon is a total asshole. You should have heard the shit he said while Brendon was gone. Said he knew I was just trying to get into Brendon's pants. You know it's never been about that...I've never been like that. Then he called what happened to Sam my 'dead boyfriend sob story'. Then when I said I couldn't tell what Bren saw in him, Dallon said what he saw in Brendon was his dick, repeatedly." Ryan was so mad, his face was red. 

  Spencer's eyes bulged out in absolute shock. "Are you fucking kidding me right now? I've known Brendon for like 5 minutes, and I already like and respect him more than that! What are you gonna do, Ry?"

  Ryan shrugged. "What can I do, Spence? I can't get in the middle of their relationship. It will only look like I'm trying to sabotage it so I can have him for myself. I want Brendon, of course I do, but only on his terms." 

  Spencer nodded. "I see what you're saying, Ry. Well, all we can hope is that Dallon gets caught in the act of being himself." Spencer decided right then that if he were able to help Dallon in that direction as well, then all the better.

  Ryan nodded sadly. "Yeah, I guess that's right. We better head over to the table before they suspect something is up." Spencer nodded his agreement and they headed off.

 

——

  A couple of hours later, and a few drinks in, Brendon looked totally bored. He was sat to Dallon's right, with Dallon and Spencer in the middle, and Ryan to Spencer's left. Dallon just kept trying to chat Spencer up about the record label, and Brendon was embarrassed. 

   Spencer was increasingly tight-lipped with his answers. He could spot guys like this from a mile away: Dallon was trying to get a plug in for his band, and was totally ignoring Brendon in the process. It really pissed Spencer off that Dallon was taking the great guy that Brendon was for granted, when he knew Ryan would love and appreciate him. A few times, Spencer cut over Dallon and attempted to initiate conversations with Brendon and Ryan, but Dallon would work his way back in and try to take it back to the label. He wasn't giving up. 

  Eventually, Brendon caught Ryan's eyes on the other side of the table. He rolled his eyes, then cut them toward Dallon. Ryan put his hand over his mouth, and Brendon could tell he was suppressing laughter. Then Brendon made a gun with his fingers, put it to his temple, and pretended to shoot. Ryan's shoulders shook as he held his laughter in. 

  Finally, Spencer stood. "Hey, I'm gonna stretch my legs and go get a drink. If I'm not back in 5 minutes, come find me, huh Ry?"

  Ryan nodded. "Sure, Spence."

  "Oh, Spence, I'll come with you," Dallon gushed. Spencer rolled his eyes internally at how easy Dallon was, because that was exactly what he had wanted. He wanted to give Brendon and Ryan a few moments alone, and if they could catch Dallon out being the asshole he was, even better. So Spencer nodded and the two left. 

  Once they were out of earshot, Brendon scooted over and looked at Ryan apologetically. "I am so sorry about him. I've never seen him act that way before! I am so embarrassed and want to apologize to Spencer."

  "Bren," Ryan began, "you have nothing to apologize for. You didn't know that was gonna happen and you're not the one responsible anyway. He's probably just excited because he's in the music business himself. I'm sure Spencer's totally used to it, and he would know it's nothing to do with you anyways." What Ryan really wanted was to rip Dallon's ass to shreds, but he knew it would get him nowhere.

  "I know...I just hate him imposing on Spencer like that. I think Spencer is great, by the way. I can see why you guys have been practically life-long friends. I have a friend Jon like that. Next time he's in town, I'll introduce you guys."

  Ryan smiled. "I'd love that. Hey, we'd better go track them down. It's been a good 5 minutes or more now, hasn't it?" 

  Brendon nodded. "Yeah. Let's go save Spencer." Both men chuckled at that, then headed toward the bar.

  It didn't take them long to spot the pair. Spencer had his back to the bar, and Dallon was facing him, talking animatedly. Spencer looked bored and irritated. But just as Brendon and Ryan approached from behind and were in earshot, Dallon fucked up...big time.

  In full view of Brendon, Dallon stepped right into Spencer's personal space. "So, Spencer," he said in a flirtatious voice, "how about while you're in town, you come by and check out my band. I'd make it worth your while..." Then Dallon let his hand brush down Spencer's chest and stomach in an unmistakably sexual way. Before he reached Spencer's belt, Spencer grabbed his wrist and jerked his arm back, hard. 

  Face red, Spencer launched into it. "First of all," he began, holding up his left hand, "I'm married, and I'm faithful. Secondly, I'm fully straight, so you don't interest me in that way at all. Thirdly, I don't trade sexual favors for label consideration. And lastly," he said as he shifted his gaze, "you're so screwed, because Brendon is right behind you, and he does not look happy." Spencer then dropped the vice grip he'd had on Dallon's arm. 

  At that last bit of information, Dallon's eyes grew huge, and he spun around quickly to find both Brendon and Ryan staring incredulously at him. But if looks could kill, Brendon would have murdered Dallon on the spot. 

  "Well, that was entertaining!" Brendon spat.

  "Bren, it's just a misunderstanding," Dallon tried weakly. Ryan could not suppress a roll of his eyes.

  Brendon laughed bitterly. "No, pretty sure you just offered to fuck Spencer to get your band ahead, even though we've been going out. I can't decide what makes me madder: that you would do that to me, or that you would put Spencer in that position. I guess I don't have to decide, though. How about you get the fuck out of here, and lose my number while you're at it?"

  Dallon scowled at Brendon, then scoffed. "Whatever. You're a lousy fuck anyway." Ryan's jaw dropped at that. 

  But Brendon immediately shot back. "How the fuck would you know? You've never fucked me!" Ryan burst out laughing then, immediately followed by Spencer. Dallon had no reply. He just huffed and threw them all the finger as he stormed off. 

  Once he left, Ryan looked at Brendon with concern. "I'm so sorry, Bren. Are you ok?" Ryan felt so incredibly bad for him. 

  Brendon nodded and sighed. "Yeah, I'm ok. We weren't that serious yet, thank God. Just sick of things not panning out." Brendon hung his head, and Ryan felt a stab of guilt, remembering how painfully things had ended between the two of them, not so long ago.

  Spencer looked at both men sadly. "I'm sorry too, Brendon. You are way too good for him, though. What do you say we get out of here? We could go grab a bite to eat?"

  Brendon smiled at Spencer, but it was sad. "If you don't mind, I think I'll head home. I don't really feel like being out anymore."

  Spencer nodded. "Of course, Brendon. We understand. Can we drop you off?" Brendon nodded, and they all made toward the exit of the club. Ryan draped an arm around Brendon's shoulders and gave him an encouraging squeeze. If he had anything to say about it, he'd make certain Brendon was ok. 

 

A/N: I realize I've portrayed Dallon as a complete asshole here. That is not meant as a reflection on the actual person, nor of my opinion on him. He just makes for a character who is easy to visualize, so that's who I used. He actually seems like a good dude, so I wanted to make that clear.


	7. Chapter 7

   Once they got to Brendon's apartment, Ryan spoke up. "I'm glad you came out with us, Bren. I'm so sorry for how it ended up, though." Ryan gave Brendon a sympathetic smile.

  Brendon was quiet for a minute, but then shook his head. "I'm not, Ry. If that's the kind of person he is, I'd rather know it now than later. At least this way I don't have to keep dealing with such a two-face."

  Ryan shrugged and nodded. "Yeah, I see your point. I'll call you tomorrow and check in, okay?" Ryan just wanted to make sure Brendon would be okay, and know that Ryan was there for him.

  Brendon regarded Ryan quietly for a moment. "Actually...would you come in and stay with me, Ry? I mean, if you don't mind Spence?" Brendon was looking at Ryan with those big, soulful brown eyes. 

  Spencer nodded fervently. "Of course not - that's just fine!" Spencer was so hopeful for Ryan. Maybe he and Brendon would get back together soon. Spencer was more than willing to sacrifice the rest of the evening with Ryan if that helped the two reconnect. 

  Ryan looked surprised but pleased, and didn't hesitate to agree to Brendon's wishes. "Of course, Bren. You know I'm here for you. Spence, I'll call you in the morning, ok?" Spencer nodded and the two men exited the car. 

  On the way up to Brendon's apartment, Ryan's heart was pounding in his chest. He was gonna be there for Brendon, however Brendon needed him. And he was determined that, if he got another chance, he wouldn't screw it up this time. 

——

 

  Brendon unlocked the door, and the two men entered his apartment. He took Ryan's jacket, and removed his, hanging them both up. "Ry, you thirsty? Can I get you something?" He moved toward the kitchen.

  "Just a glass of water. Thanks, Bren." Ryan moved in to Brendon's familiar living room, realizing just how much he'd missed being here, and sat on Brendon's red sofa. Brendon soon returned, two glasses of water in hand, and sat by Ryan...close by Ryan. 

  "So, Bren...do you wanna talk about what happened tonight? If not, that's fine! But I don't mind listening at all," Ryan assured.

  Brendon sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "Yeah, I guess I do. It's not like I'm actually sad about Dallon. I wasn't really attached to him at all yet. I guess I'm just sad because I just keep choosing so badly. Don't take that personally, because I don't mean you. Our situation is not what I'm talking about. I mean all the assholes I've dated. All my 'relationships' have been short-lived because it seems like they're all just trying to get into my pants. They don't actually want a relationship at all. They just want sex, and that's not how I roll. There needs to be a relationship there, feelings there, first."

  "Well, Bren, I think it's admirable for you to know yourself and stick to what you are comfortable with. You know it won't do any good just to put out to keep someone around, since they wouldn't be worth keeping around anyway, if that's all they're really interested in." Ryan really did respect that, because as much as he had loved sex with Sam, he loved his whole being more. And then he realized: that's exactly how he felt about Brendon too. 

  Brendon nodded. "I totally know you are right. It just sucks because I wind up constantly alone because of it. There has got to be another gay man out there that wants the same things as I do, right? I mean, one that I'm compatible with too, obviously."

  Ryan looked at Brendon seriously, straight in the eye. "I am absolutely certain there is another gay man out there that wants those things and is compatible with you," he said. 

  Brendon quirked an eyebrow and looked at Ryan quizzically. "How are you so sure of that, Ry?"

  Ryan reached over and took one of Brendon's hands in both his. "Because I want those same things," he said softly. "I want the relationship and not just sex. When we weren't talking, I did a lot of soul searching, and finally had a breakthrough. I know if I don't let go of the fact that Sam died and move on, I'm going to be lonely and denying myself happiness for the rest of my life. He wouldn't want that for me, and I don't want it either, now that I have my head on straight about it. And I would really like to have that happiness, that meaningful relationship, with you. The longer I was away from you, the more I came to one inescapable conclusion: I'm in love with you, Brendon."

Brendon stared wide-eyed at Ryan, his mouth agape, but Ryan continued. "If you were happy with Dallon and it was going somewhere, I just wanted you to be happy and not get in the way of that. I mean, now I know that's not the case. And I understand completely if you're not ready for that with me, or can't trust me enough to-"

  Brendon raised a hand and cut Ryan off. "Ryan, don't take this the wrong way, but shut up." He scooted right against Ryan, and cupped his face with his hand. "I told you before things ended between us that I was falling for you. That hasn't gone away. I was pissed off and sad when you broke it off, and yeah, that made me a little defensive when you got back in touch. But I can't tell you how glad I am that you did. I missed you so much, and thought about you constantly. Even when I was out with Dallon, I couldn't help comparing him to you, and he just never measured up. I guess what I'm trying to say is...I'm in love with you too." Brendon was smiling up at Ryan softly.

  Ryan broke into a megawatt smile, and leaned forward to kiss Brendon slowly. As they kissed, Ryan could feel the sparks between them, and it sent shockwaves through his body. He wound his hands into Brendon's hair and held his head as they deepened the kiss. They finally broke for air, and rested their foreheads together, beaming at one another and breathing the other in. 

  "Bren, I want us to be together now, really together. I hate how high-schoolish this sounds but...will you be my boyfriend?" Ryan was grinning.

  Brendon chuckled. "Yes, Ry, I'll be your boyfriend. I would love to." They leaned in and hugged each other tightly, both so happy to have each other in the way they both wanted. But then Brendon asked,  "Ry...I'm exhausted. It's been a long night. Can we just go to bed?" 

  Ryan nodded. "Sure. Can you give me extra sheets so I can set up the couch?" Ryan wasn't going to make any assumptions, despite their new relationship status.

  Brendon shook his head. "No, Ry...I want you to come to bed with me. I...I want you to hold me. I've wanted your arms around me for a long time now," he admitted shyly.

  Ryan smiled softly at Brendon. "I would love that. It sounds so good."


	8. Chapter 8

  A few minutes later, the guys were in Brendon's room, preparing to get into bed. "Ry, do you want pajama pants, or..." Brendon trailed off.

  "Or what, Bren?" Ryan asked. 

  Brendon blushed, a pretty pink staining his cheeks. "Well," he said, "I usually just sleep in boxers. I just wanted to know what you're most comfortable with. With this being new for us, and all."

  Ryan reached over and squeezed Brendon's hand. "We're together now. Boxers are fine. That's how I usually sleep too. We don't need to be shy around each other," Ryan said as he smiled softly at Brendon.

  Brendon smiled back. "You're right. Let's get undressed and get in bed. I'm ready for us to get some rest."

  With that, Brendon peeled his t-shirt over his head. Ryan couldn't help staring at the lean, taut abs and his lightly muscled chest and arms. Brendon had these amazing hips, and Ryan couldn't help imagining grasping them. Ryan could also see the v-line leading down into his tight jeans. Ryan's mouth went a little dry with lust. Brendon was even hotter shirtless. 

  Brendon noticed Ryan couldn't stop looking. With that, he walked over and gazed into Ryan's eyes, gently tugging on the hem of Ryan's t-shirt. "Your turn," he whispered, as he pulled Ryan's shirt over his head. 

  Brendon was just as spellbound by Ryan's long, lean torso and arms. He had a flat stomach that Brendon could imagine kissing and suckling. And he thought Ryan's hip bones were sexy as hell. He wanted to mark Ryan on them, and claim him as his own. Ryan was so beautiful to him.

  They both looked up and caught each other's eyes at the same time, both erupting in light blushes. "We should probably both get rid of these pants, huh?" Ryan asked quietly. "Wanna help me with mine?"

  Brendon swallowed hard and nodded. He reached out slowly and undid Ryan's belt, followed by unzipping him. He then carefully inched the tight jeans down, careful not to catch Ryan's boxers too. He could see the outline of Ryan's semi-hard cock in his boxers, and he felt a thrill roll through his belly. Ryan then stepped the rest of the way out of his pants and removed his socks. 

  Ryan moved closer and put his hands on Brendon's hips, just like he'd wanted. "Want me to help you with yours?" he whispered. Brendon looked up into his eyes and nodded. 

  Ryan got Brendon gently unbuckled and unzipped, carefully removing his jeans for him. When that was finished, they both stood in their boxers, just looking at each other for several quiet moments, hands brushing down each other's arms. Finally, Brendon said, "Come here," in a low husky voice. He held his arms out to hold Ryan.

  Ryan stepped into Brendon's arms, and the embrace felt like lightning. He couldn't believe how amazing Brendon's bare skin felt against his. He gently ran his hands up and down Brendon's back, just to feel him, and Brendon did the same. Finally, they pulled back just enough to look at each other and smile shyly. Ryan brought a hand up and brushed it across Brendon's cheek, then ran it into his hair. Then he tipped his face down, and began to kiss Brendon. 

  The kiss started slowly and gently, but quickly picked up speed, and turned into a full-on makeout. Brendon ran his tongue across Ryan's bottom lip and Ryan opened up for him, their tongues instantly colliding and rolling together. Ryan heard and felt Brendon groan deep from his chest, then felt the heat pooling low in his own belly. Brendon had his arms woven tightly around Ryan's tiny waist. Ryan ran his hands down Brendon's back, then went to cup his ass. It was Ryan's turn to groan - he'd had no idea how amazing Brendon's ass would feel under the palms of his hands. 

Ryan kissed a trail up Brendon's jaw to his ear, nibbling on his earlobe. He then kissed down to Brendon's neck, and ran his tongue lightly over Brendon's pulse point. Brendon moaned out loud, and Ryan felt his cock twitch. 

  "Ry, listen to me," Brendon panted. Ryan immediately stopped what he was doing and looked directly at Brendon, waiting. If Brendon wanted this to stop right now, Ryan would do it. 

  But instead he said, "I...I want you, Ryan. I want you to make love to me," Brendon said shyly. 

  Ryan squeezed his arms around Brendon's shoulders, and smiled at him gently.  "I want that too, Bren. I love you so much." He leaned in and kissed Brendon slowly. Ryan felt like a dam had broken: now that he had finally told Brendon he loved him, it was like he couldn't stop. 

  Brendon pulled back slightly, and smiled bashfully. "I need you to understand something, though. I've...never done this before. I'm still a virgin."

  Ryan smiled at him fondly. "That's ok. It's certainly nothing to be ashamed of. But are you sure you want to do this now? We can wait. I want you, of course I do, but there's no rush for me. We can take our time." 

  Brendon smiled sweetly at Ryan and cupped his face with his hand. "I'm absolutely sure. I've been waiting for the right person...someone I'm in love with. And you're the one. And also? I've waited long enough," he laughed.

  Ryan chuckled, then embraced Brendon tightly. "I promise to be gentle and slow, or to just let this go however you want it," he whispered. "And just so you know, I've only ever been with Sam before you. It was the same for him, only being with me. So I know exactly what you mean," he said quietly.

  Brendon peered at Ryan for a moment, then smiled. "So...you know you're clean for sure too then, huh?"

  Ryan nodded. "Yeah. I was faithful, and I know Sam was too."

  Brendon bit his lip as his blush grew. "Well, I'm just wondering...would you be comfortable going bare, without the condom? I just want to be as close to you as possible." 

  Ryan's heart did a somersault, and he felt himself grow harder at that suggestion. He brought a finger under Brendon's chin and tipped his head up so he could look  right into his eyes. "I'd love that, baby," he said, voice deep and quiet, and he pulled Brendon in for a soft kiss. "I want us as close as possible too."

  Brendon shivered at Ryan's tone. He wrapped his arms around Ryan's neck, and picked back up on making out with Ryan. Ryan gripped Brendon's hips firmly while they kissed, and gently backed him toward the bed. Ryan loved the feel of Brendon's body under his touch. 

  When the back of his knees hit the bed, Brendon gently separated from Ryan, and laid back on the bed. Once he was situated, he looked up at Ryan and held out his hand to tug Ryan down with him. Ryan took his hand and knelt down onto the bed, and Brendon subconsciously made space for Ryan to lie between his legs. 

  Ryan leaned over top of him, resting on both elbows. He looked down into Brendon's eyes intently, and ran his thumb over Brendon's bottom lip. He then whispered, "You are so beautiful, in every way possible." He dipped his head down  and captured Brendon's lips again, tugging on the full bottom lip gently with his teeth. Brendon moaned out loud. 

  Ryan slowly lowered his body down onto Brendon's, and gently rolled his hips. They both felt the friction of their hard cocks rubbing together beneath their boxers. Brendon rolled his hips back in response, and their groans and gasps filled his bedroom. They continued like that for a couple of minutes, their makeout intensifying as they became more and more turned on by each other. 

  Ryan pulled back from the kiss, and began to kiss his way down Brendon's body. He paused at his chest, lapping around both nipples with his tongue, causing Brendon to moan. Then he proceeded downward until he reached below his belly button, just above his boxers. He looked up at Brendon, grinning, and began to hook his fingers under the elastic and slowly pull them down. Finally, Brendon's hard cock sprung free. 

  Ryan didn't waste any time. Now was not the time for teasing. He wrapped his hand gently around Brendon, stroking him lightly as he swirled his tongue around the head. Brendon drew in a sharp breath and cried out, "Fuck, Ryan." 

   Ryan felt a smirk pulling at his lips as he went further down, until his mouth had reached his hand at the base. Then he bobbed his head slowly as he hollowed his cheeks. Brendon was writhing and moaning on the bed, and Ryan felt like it was the sexiest thing he'd ever heard. 

  After a minute or two, Ryan pulled off, and Brendon whimpered from the loss of contact. But Ryan didn't want things to be over so soon. He wanted them to be joined, to make love to one another. It had been so long since he'd loved and desired someone enough to be that close, and he was excited that he would get to experience that again with Brendon. 

  Ryan stood from the bed briefly and removed his own boxers. Brendon's eyes were nailed to his naked body, and Ryan could see how blown his pupils were with lust - his eyes looked nearly black. Ryan could relate, drinking in the gorgeousness of Brendon's naked body himself. 

  Brendon reached out his hand again, and said, "Come back," in a deep husky voice. Ryan lay back down over Brendon, and Brendon pulled him down immediately to kiss him. Right away, his tongue sought out Ryan's, and when he tasted himself on Ryan, he groaned deep in his chest. It fanned the flames inside Ryan, and he wound his hands into Brendon's soft hair as they made out, and he ground his hips down into Brendon's again. 

  Ryan drew back panting and gazed at Brendon. "Bren, I don't want to come like this. I want you now. But how do you want to do this? Do you want to bottom or top? I like it either way," he said. 

  Brendon brushed noses with Ryan and looked deep into his eyes. "Well, I think I'd like either way too, but for our first time...I think I'd like to bottom, " he admitted quietly. A light blush rose from his cheeks all the way down to his chest.

  Ryan nodded, and smiled a loving smile that Brendon hadn't ever seen before. "I'm gonna take such good care of you, Bren. I'm gonna make you feel so good," he said. "Do you have lube?"

  Brendon nodded, returning the smile, and reached for his bedside table. He pulled the lube out of the drawer and handed it to Ryan; he knew what came next. "Go slowly, Ry."

  Ryan nodded, and petted Brendon's thigh. "I will, baby. Just relax. It will make everything so much easier."

  Brendon reached a hand up and cupped Ryan's cheek. "I will, Ry...I trust you. I love you." He leaned up and kissed Ryan quickly.

  Ryan slowly worked his way down Brendon's body. He gently parted his legs, and kissed his inner thighs while he slicked up his fingers. Then he slid in the first finger part way, making sure to take his time. Although Brendon's muscles reflexively clenched at first, he quickly felt them loosening and before long at all he was able to slide the first finger all the way in and out. He could tell Brendon was relaxed, but watched him carefully to make sure he wasn't hurting him. 

  "Ry," Brendon said breathily, "don't worry. It feels good. You can go ahead and add another."

  Ryan nodded, and when he pulled his finger back the next time, he added the second. Brendon's muscles resisted even less this time, and he was moaning softly as Ryan stretched him. Once he was able to move without too much resistance, Ryan pushed his fingers in deep and crooked them. He knew he'd connected when Brendon cried out.

  "Ryan, oh shit..." Brendon moaned, sending a jolt of desire through Ryan's entire body, his dick twitching repeatedly at the sound of Brendon's pleasure. He couldn't help it: he had to lean up and kiss Brendon.

  When Ryan returned his attention to prepping Brendon, he decided to go ahead and add the third finger. He didn't want to rush it, but he was getting so impatient to be inside him. Once he had the third finger in, he rubbed Brendon's prostate a few more times, and scissored his fingers. Brendon reached down blindlly and grabbed Ryan's arm. "Fuck, Ry...I'm ready," he groaned. "I'm going to come right now if you keep that up."

  Ryan nodded and gently removed his fingers. He moved back up the bed and offered the lube to Brendon. "Baby, will you get me ready? Touch me, and slick me up?" he asked, voice deep.

  Brendon looked in his eyes and nodded. He sat up and took the lube from Ryan, then brushed his lips over Ryan's. "I'd love to touch you, baby," he said, and kissed Ryan hotly. He broke their kiss and then dispensed some lube to his palm. Reaching down, he slid that hand over Ryan's hardened length. Ryan moaned at how amazing Brendon's hand felt wrapped around him, pumping and slicking him up, readying him for their lovemaking.

  Once he was thoroughly slick, Brendon looked Ryan right in the eye, and slowly laid back. He spread he legs out, and laid his palms flat on the bed. "I'm ready, Ryan," he said, smiling softly up at him. 

Ryan nodded and moved to lie over him. He rested on one elbow as he got into place, and cupped Brendon's face with his palm. "I love you," he whispered. He pulled Brendon's legs to wrap around his waist. Then he leaned down to kiss Brendon gently, as he guided his cock to Brendon's entrance with his free hand. 

  Ryan gave gentle, constant pressure with his hips and felt himself move slowly forward inside Brendon until he was buried. He waited so Brendon could adjust, "Are you ok, Bren?" he asked with concern. Ryan himself needed a minute to adjust so that he didn't come immediately.

  Brendon looked a little uncomfortable but not in complete pain. "Yes...It hurts, but just a little. You can move now, baby."

  Ryan began slowly thrusting his hips back and forth, sliding in and out of the tight heat of Brendon's body. His heart felt so full, so fulfilled, to finally be with this man he loved.  "Brendon," he gasped, "you have no idea how good you feel. God, I love you."

  Brendon wrapped his arms around Ryan's neck and locked eyes with him. "Fuck, Ryan," he said breathily, "I can't believe we're here. I love you too." His eyes looked overwhelmed and amazed. Ryan leaned down and kissed him as he began moving the angle of his hips in search of Brendon's prostate. Ryan wanted to pleasure Brendon until he came totally undone.

  They moved slow, but deep. Before long,  Brendon began to moan softly. "Ry," he panted, "it's starting to feel so good."

  Ryan shifted his hips up a tiny bit more, and on the next stroke in, Brendon cried out and trembled. "Ryan...oh, God...oh, yeah," he moaned. Ryan couldn't help the groan that ripped from his chest.

  "That's it, baby, don't hold back. I wanna hear you. I wanna make you feel so good," he breathed. With the sounds Brendon was making, and how tight he was, Ryan was drawing ever closer himself. He tucked a hand between their bodies, and began slowly stroking Brendon.

  "Ryan, oh God, that feels too good...I can't hold on much longer," Brendon cried out.

  Ryan groaned again. "Neither can I, Bren. When I come, where do you want me to..."

  Brendon moaned, "Inside me, Ryan...I want to feel all of you."

That nearly sent Ryan over the edge then and there. But he held on, nodded and leaned down to kiss Brendon once more. He stroked Brendon faster, and finally twisted his wrist and thumbed over Brendon's slit. Brendon let go, coming hard, crying out Ryan's name and spilling over both their stomachs.

  And that was all it took for Ryan to come undone too, coming so hard that his vision blacked out momentarily, and it took a minute to register that he'd heard Brendon's surprised gasp as he felt him spilling inside him for the first time. 

  They immediately latched hungry, needy mouths, and kissed hotly as they rode out their aftershocks together. Even once their bodies had slowed to a still, they couldn't stop kissing for a very long time. 

  Finally, once they had slowed down to lazy, afterglowy kisses, Ryan drew back slightly and brushed noses with Brendon. "This is gonna feel a little weird, love," he said, then pulled out slowly.

  Once they were parted, Ryan lay down right next to Brendon, who immediately cuddled right into his side as Ryan wrapped his arms around him tightly, and pressed a kiss to his temple. 

  They were both quiet for a long time, but it was completely comfortable. Brendon pillowed his head on Ryan's shoulder as Ryan carded a hand through his sweaty hair.

  "Ry," Brendon began quietly, "I just...that was amazing." He pressed a kiss against Ryan's chest. 

  "I know, it was for me too" Ryan whispered back, slightly squeezing Brendon. "You are amazing." 

  Brendon tilted his head up and smiled at Ryan, catching his lips softly. "That was well worth waiting for," he said quietly, in between slow pecks. 

  Ryan looked at Brendon seriously. "From now on, it's you and me, together. No more wasted time." 

  Brendon nodded. "That's perfect. That's all I need."


	9. Chapter 9

  When Ryan woke up the next morning, he was a bit disoriented. He felt a warm body pressed all along the front of his own, and he blinked his eyes open. He saw the dark hair, askew from lying on the pillow all night. Then he saw the creamy skin and the red, plump lips: Brendon. That's when the previous night came rushing back to him. 

  They were finally together - boyfriends now, even. Not only that, but they had made love and it had been everything Ryan had hoped for. Ryan hadn't felt this content or happy since Sam had been alive. Then he checked himself for what would have previously been the ever-present guilt at having moved on with someone else. But it wasn't there anymore. Ryan was in love with Brendon. And Brendon was in love with him! He felt so intensely grateful to have the opportunity to love another wonderful man. He couldn't help wondering how he'd gotten so lucky twice in one lifetime. 

  Then, he felt Brendon begin to stir. Brendon rolled to his other side so he was facing toward Ryan and blinked his eyes open. Once his vision cleared and he took Ryan in, he gave Ryan a smile that would put the sun to shame. 

  "Good morning, love," Ryan said quietly as he smiled and petted through Brendon's hair. "How did you sleep?"

  Brendon smiled even wider. "Like a log. You're so warm and comfortable. It's like we fit together perfectly."

  Ryan grinned and pecked Brendon's nose. "That's 'cause we do. How do you feel? Are you...sore?" he asked gently.

  Brendon wrinkled his nose. "A little. Nothing I can't handle. I assume that gets better?"

  Ryan nodded. "Definitely. The first time is the worst."

  Brendon grinned his classic mischievous grin. "Oh, so it's only gonna get better huh?"

  Ryan laughed, "Well, that's not what I meant, but that is also true."

  Brendon ran his hand up and down Ryan's exposed arm. "I can't wait," he smiled. 

  They lay in bed holding each other, sometimes talking and sometimes quietly, for the next hour. Then they got up and showered together and had a quick bite to eat. Ryan excused himself to go home, since he was going to connect with Spencer and they were going out to dinner for Spencer's last night in town. They spent a good five minutes kissing goodbye at Brendon's door, and Ryan walked home, floating on air.

 

——

  Once Ryan made it to his apartment, he called Spencer up. 

  "Hey Ry, you just get back?" Spencer answered.

  "Yeah. I was wondering if you'd come over early before dinner? I need to fill you in. The night definitely ended well." Ryan knew Spencer would hear the smile in his voice.

  "Really, now!" Ryan could hear the grin in Spencer's voice too. "I can't wait to hear about it. I'll be over in 30."

  So Ryan changed clothes for dinner and fixed his hair while he waited for Spencer to arrive. True to his word, it was about a half an hour later when Spencer rang the intercom to get buzzed in. 

  When Ryan opened the door, Spencer stood and appraised him quietly for a moment, then walked in. Once Ryan got the door closed, he turned and saw Spencer grinning at him. "What?" he asked, bewildered.

  Spencer's smile only widened. "You had sex last night."

  Ryan's jaw dropped. "How the fuck do you know that?"

  Spencer shot him a disbelieving look. "Ryan, please: how long have I known you? You are literally glowing. You didn't get that way just by talking Brendon through his troubles."

  Ryan scowled playfully at Spencer but quickly dropped it in favor of a huge smile. "Yeah, you got me. But it's not what you think. We're together now, officially. He's my boyfriend," Ryan explained, grinning from ear to ear. 

  Spencer's eyes shot wide open and his entire face lit up. "Oh my God, Ry! I'm so happy for you guys!"

  Ryan smiled warmly. "Me too, Spence. I can still hardly believe it myself!" Ryan went on to tell Spencer the whole story of how Brendon talked of what he was looking for in a relationship, and Ryan explaining he wanted the same with Brendon, and their confessions of love for each other.

  "And we didn't even set out to have sex. We were just going to go to bed. It just kind of ...happened," Ryan shrugged. 

  Spencer's arched an eyebrow. "You were safe though, right?"

  Ryan blushed. "Well...we didn't exactly have to be..."

  Spencer's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean?"

  Ryan blushed a little more. "Um...Brendon was a virgin. He'd been waiting for someone he was in love with. He told me he wanted me, and I told him there was no rush on my end, that we could take our time. But he was just ready, and honestly, so was I."

  Spencer nodded thoughtfully. "That's awesome. And how are you with things today? I mean, you seem ok?"

  Ryan nodded and smiled a soft smile. "I'm wonderful. Happy. I'm so in love with him, Spencer. It's so crazy and amazing since I never thought I could love anyone else ever again."

  "I'm so happy for you, Ryan...for both of you. You two are such a good match. I'm so pleased you won't be alone anymore. Hey, why don't you call and invite him to dinner with us?"

  Ryan looked surprised. "You sure you won't mind?"

  Spencer nodded. "Of course not. You guys ought to be together right now. I know you won't make me a third wheel," he laughed. 

  So Ryan called up Brendon and invited him to their dinner. Brendon happily accepted, and informed him that he'd just found out his best friend Jon was in town. Ryan told him to bring Jon along, because he was dying to meet him. 

  Spencer and Ryan drove to Brendon's apartment to pick them up. Ryan got out of the car and greeted Brendon with a smile. "Hey you," he grinned as he took Brendon's hand and kissed him on the cheek. Things were so much more intimate between them now. After getting as close as they possibly could the night before, they had a new, deeper connection. Ryan felt like he could barely tear himself from Brendon's side. 

  "Hi yourself," Brendon returned, smiling sweetly as he leaned in and hugged Ryan. Anyone with eyes could tell the two were in love, pressed as close together as they could be and still walk to the car. Brendon introduced Jon to Ryan and Spencer, and they piled into the car, Ryan and Brendon in the back seat together. Once they were settled, they pressed close together and clasped hands all the way to the restaurant.

  At dinner, Ryan was pleased to get to know Jon. He was a laid-back, friendly guy who put everyone else around him at ease as well. Ryan could see why he and Brendon were such good friends. Jon was from LA too, working as a freelance photographer and studio sound engineer. He and Spencer hit it off immediately, and genuinely had lots to talk about with the recording industry. 

  While Jon and Spencer chatted, Ryan leaned over to converse with Brendon privately. "So...how are you? Is it silly to say I missed you this afternoon?" Ryan grinned. 

  "No," Brendon said quietly with an intimate smile. "Only if I'm silly too. What's going on tonight after dinner?"

  "Not a thing, not yet anyway," Ryan said. "Spencer has to go straight back to the hotel, because he's gotta leave and drive back early in the morning. You wanna come back to mine?"

  "Hell yes I do," Brendon laughed. "I think I'm going to get addicted to sharing a bed with you pretty quickly," he grinned widely.

  Ryan laughed. "Damn, you already figured out my plan." Brendon chuckled in response. Both were so looking forward to it, as even though tomorrow was Monday, it was a holiday and both were off work. 

  Brendon leaned into Ryan's ear. "I've already got plans for us for tomorrow, though," he said quietly, as he brushed his hand down Ryan's forearm.

  Ryan looked at him in surprise. "Really? Sounds good - what did you have in mind?"

  Brendon put his mouth right against Ryan's ear and whispered, low and sultry. "I think we take the day to memorise every inch on each other's bodies, then we can take turns melting each other into your mattress." Now that they had had sex, Brendon's shyness about it had melted away. 

  Ryan shivered at Brendon's words, a pink blush erupting on his cheeks and a pleased grin pulling at his lips. He turned and put his lips right up to Brendon's ear. "Those sound like the best plans in the history of ever," he chuckled lowly. He placed his hand on Brendon's on top of the table and squeezed.

  Suddenly, a sharp clearing of someone's throat broke the two out of their bubble. When they looked up, both Spencer and Jon were staring at them, amused expressions on their faces. 

  Spencer leaned in and said quietly enough for just the four of them to hear, "You two are adorable, really, but also painfully obvious. We know what you're whispering about," he chuckled.

  Brendon giggled, and Ryan grinned down at the table top. "Sorry," he said. "We just got carried away."

  "Don't be sorry," Jon said. "I don't think you realize how happy we are for both of you. Seriously, you guys deserve it. But let's eat, because here comes our food."

  With that everyone chuckled, and enjoyed their food and company together. Ryan felt so happy to have a wonderful boyfriend and some good friends again. 

 

——  
    
  It was around two on Monday afternoon. Brendon was laying quietly snuggled into Ryan's side with his arm draped across Ryan's chest, both still sweaty and coming down from yet another round of making love. 

  They had gone home to Ryan's apartment the night before and got an early start on Brendon's plans. Ryan had actually lost count at this point of how many times they had fused their bodies together and made each other come undone. They threw some periods of sleep and eating in there as well, but they were fully engrossed in each other. It felt like neither of them could keep their hands off the other. Ryan felt almost high: he'd figured he'd never again be able to feel this happy or light or in love.

  "Hey Bren?" he said horsely. Brendon lifted his head to look at him with a smile and a quizzical expression. "You already know I love you, but I don't think you realize how thankful I am for you."

  Brendon's loving smile in return just blew Ryan away. Brendon was stunning. He leaned up, resting on his elbow with his head on his palm, so he could look Ryan in the eye while he talked. He absently drew patterns on Ryan's chest with his finger as Ryan continued.

  "You brought me back to life, literally. I don't know where I'd be right now if I hadn't met you. Yes, I will always love and miss Sam, but you have all of me now. You're my today and tomorrow. I'm just sorry it took me so long."

  Brendon smiled and placed a finger on Ryan's lips to quiet him. "It doesn't matter anymore. We're here. It couldn't happen before you were ready. I'm just glad you're ready now, because I love you so much. I'm just so happy, Ryan."

  With that Brendon leaned down to kiss Ryan slowly. The slow makeout didn't last, however. Soon they were frantically touching each other again, well on their way to another round of bliss with the one who mattered most in their lives.


	10. Chapter 10

Six months. Today, it had been six months since Brendon and Ryan officially got together. Ryan could hardly believe how quickly the time had passed. Each day, the more he'd come to learn about Brendon, the more he'd fallen in love with him. He was so very glad that he didn't have to live with the regret of letting Brendon go for good. 

  Brendon, for his part, felt the exact same way. He had been so happy since he and Ryan actually became a couple. He had never dated anyone so good before. Ryan was a loving and thoughtful boyfriend, but more than that, Ryan was just a good man and faithful partner. He was head and shoulders above anyone who'd ever shown any interest in Brendon before. 

  And while Brendon loved his sex life with Ryan, it was clear that wasn't the only reason Ryan was interested in him. They had a loving and caring friendship, and enjoyed spending time together. If one or both didn't feel like sex or were too tired or were sick, that was ok. The sex was an enhancement to their relationship, not the entire point. Both knew there was a depth between them that was not easily found with another person. 

  They had discussed recently that their half-year milestone was coming up. Being his first serious long-term relationship, Brendon wanted to celebrate the occasion. He made reservations for them at a Japanese restaurant they had discovered together and both loved. They went for sushi, then took a sunset walk, hand in hand, in a nearby park. It was a lovely, romantic evening. 

  As they rounded back near the entrance to the park, Brendon asked, "Ry, do you want to come back to mine tonight?"

  Ryan stopped walking and turned to face Brendon, a soft smile on his face. He stepped closer to him, but still didn't speak. He reached his free hand up to tuck some stray hair behind Brendon's ear. 

  "Ry, you ok?" Brendon asked, his brow furrowed in confusion.

  Ryan shook his head as if to clear his thoughts and chuckled. "Yes, Bren. Sorry - I spaced out for a minute. Yes - let's go back to your place. I should have some clean clothes there, right?"  

  Brendon nodded. "Mmmhmm. I just did laundry yesterday so whatever you had there got cleaned."

  Ryan nodded, still smiling and kissed Brendon on the cheek as they headed off to catch the bus back to his apartment.

——

  Ryan and Brendon were lying in bed the next morning, just holding each other and chatting. They loved their lazy weekend mornings when they could lay just wrapped up in each other's arms, and didn't have to worry about rushing home before work if one of them forgot something they needed after staying over at the other's apartment.

  "So, what's going on tonight, babe? Do you have any plans?" Brendon asked Ryan.

  "Only to be with you, baby," Ryan smiled. "Only my favorite thing ever."

  Brendon beamed over at him. "Well, did you want to sleep over again? Or maybe me sleep over there at yours?"

  "Well," Ryan began, "let's go to mine tonight. But I'm getting kinda tired of staying over at each other's place every night."

  Brendon frowned a little and looked seriously at Ryan. "Oh...I'm sorry, Ry. It's rude of me to assume that we spend every night together. Did you want a night to yourself?"

  Ryan's eyebrows raised, and he chuckled a bit. "No, honey, you misunderstood my meaning. I suppose I wasn't very clear, though. What I mean is, I'd like to be spending every night at our place."

  Brendon's eyes widened and he grinned big and bright at Ryan. "You mean you want to move in together?" Brendon looked thrilled.

  Ryan nodded. "Of course I do. I love us going to bed together each night, and waking up to each other every morning. We do it practically every day now already. And, I want for us to take the next step in our life together, and I hope you do too, Bren."

  Brendon nodded quickly. "I do, Ry, I definitely do. So...you want to go pick an entirely new place together?"

  "Yeah," Ryan nodded. "I think us choosing it together will make it extra-special, and then it's ours. I think that'll also really show our new level with each other in our relationship. What do you think?"

  Brendon squeezed the arm he had sling around Ryan's waist, and nuzzled into his chest a bit deeper. "I think that makes me so happy, Ry. I would love it." He turned his face up toward Ryan, and they shared a soft kiss.

——

  A month later, the boys were carrying the last of their boxes into their new apartment, while Spencer and Jon were setting up their TV and stereo for them. Their best friends had come into town for the happy occasion and to help out the couple however they could. 

  "That's the last of it!" Brendon huffed, as he sat his box on the dining room table. "I don't want to even think about those stairs for at least 24 hours!" 

  Ryan laughed, and sat his final box down too. "No problem, Bren - we'll just order some pizza."

  Spencer grinned and said, "I have an even better idea. Why don't you two just give us some money, and Jon and I will come back with pizza and beer?" Jon nodded rapidly, indicating his approval.

  Brendon chuckled. "I'm sold. It's the least we can do for you guys in thanks for all your help!"

  Jon grinned at his friends. "Well, we appreciate it, but I know we were both happy to help you. What can I say? We're big saps, and just happy for you both."

  Brendon and Ryan smiled at each other, and embraced for a quick hug before Ryan went off to find some cash for their dinner.

 

—-

  Later that evening, after Jon and Spencer had headed back to their hotel, the couple had settled into bed - their bed - for the first time in their new home together. 

  Ryan was holding Brendon close to his body, loving that they were in their own, shared place. "Bren? I'm so happy. I love you."

  Brendon pressed a kiss to Ryan's chest. "Me too, Ry," he returned softly. "I've always wanted to share a home and a life with someone. I just  never thought it could be this good." He scooted up so their faces were level, and began to kiss Ryan. "You fancy christening our new home?" he asked with a wink.

  Ryan chuckled and ran a hand into Brendon's hair. "Is that even a question?" he asked with a smirk. He pulled Brendon down to him, and started a makeout with him. 

  When they broke briefly for air, Brendon grinned and said, "I was pretty sure I already knew the answer." They both laughed and continued kissing.


	11. Chapter 11

Life was good for Ryan and Brendon. They had a close, tight-knit relationship, exactly how both of them wanted it. Ryan had healed from his grief at losing Sam. He would always think of him, and remember their love fondly, but he had allowed himself to move on and was fully devoted to Brendon. 

Brendon too, had moved on from all the loss and disappointment he had suffered from the less than ideal dating life he'd had before Ryan. He had a trust in Ryan that he'd never had in anyone else in his life before, and was committed completely to their relationship.

They'd been together for over a year and a half now (22 months, to be exact). Living together had worked out well for them. They loved holding one another tight each night, and waking up to each other's warmth every morning. They were together a lot, but that's what worked for them - they both wanted it that way. They still made time to do things with friends separately, especially when Spencer or Jon were in town, but were happiest in each other's company. 

One afternoon, Ryan had returned home from work before Brendon. Usually, Brendon had made it home before him. Ryan couldn't help himself: that made him nervous. After losing Sam the way he did, Ryan hated departure from the routine. He took a few deep breaths and got his nerves under control. He knew that panicking would do nothing to help him. 

Sure enough, within the next ten minutes, Brendon came through the door. As soon as he sat his bag and keys on the table, Ryan engulfed him in a huge, tight hug. Brendon returned the hug immediately then pulled back to look at Ryan.

"You ok, Ry? Not that I don't welcome the hug, but you seemed nervous..."

Ryan bit his lip. "I'm ok, Bren. Just...when I got here and you weren't home yet, it scared me a little." Ryan looked down at his feet.

Brendon looked at Ryan sadly and cupped his face with his hand. "Oh, Ry, I'm so sorry. I got stuck on a phone call and was late leaving. I'll be sure to let you know next time. But I'm here now, and everything's alright. Okay?"

Ryan nodded, taking a deep breath, and gave Brendon a small smile. "Okay. No problem."

Brendon took Ryan's hand and led him toward the sofa. "I do want you to come sit with me, though. I've got something I need to talk to you about."

  Ryan swallowed hard and sat next to Brendon, turning to face him. "Is everything ok? Are we ok?"

  Brendon smiled gently and patted Ryan's hand. "Yes. Everything is fine, especially us. The time I've been with you is the happiest of my life, Ry."

  Ryan beamed back at Brendon. "Me too, Bren. So...what's up?"

  Brendon looked suddenly serious. "Well, out of nowhere today, I got a call from Spencer."

  Ryan quirked an eyebrow. He knew Brendon and Spencer got along famously, but had never known Spencer to just call Brendon to chat. "Oh really? What was that all about?"

  "Well," Brendon began, "that's what we need to talk about. I've been offered at job as Spencer's assistant at Fueled by Ramen...in LA."

  Ryan's jaw dropped. "Seriously? That's amazing, Bren!"

  Brendon grinned. "I know. I couldn't believe it. Spencer said his work load is just too much for one man to manage. He knows I have tons of experience assisting, and how into music I am. I guess I also fit the right image, or whatever. And the money is so much better."

  "Well," Ryan said, "what do you think?" 

  "Well, Ry, that depends in part on you. Because I'm not going to LA without you. We're a package deal, you and me. I care more about you than I ever could about any job. So, are you down with moving?"

  Ryan grinned huge and bright at Brendon. "Are you kidding? First off, I would love to get out of Vegas. But also, I don't want to be without you either. And I'm certain jobs for me would be more plentiful in LA. I'm in, baby!"

  Brendon lit up the room with his smile, and leaned in to give Ryan a crushing hug. As they embraced, it dawned on Ryan: he wanted to make certain he'd never be without Brendon ever again. Suddenly, Ryan had a plan forming in his head.

"Hey Bren? Why don't we go out to dinner tomorrow night to celebrate? I'll make all the arrangements?" Brendon didn't know it yet but Ryan had far more in mind than just celebrating Brendon's new job. 

Brendon nodded with a smile. "That sounds awesome, baby - I can't wait. But...how about we start celebrating right now?" Brendon smirked as he stood and tugged at Ryan's hand, pointed toward their bedroom.

Ryan grinned back. "Yes, I think we should get a jump start on that celebration," he said, hopping up to follow Brendon to their bed. 

——

  The following evening, the couple were sat at dinner at an upscale Mexican restaurant. Brendon adored Mexican food, and Ryan wanted to make this evening all about him. 

  "Man, babe, this place is delicious! We have to remember this for when we come back to visit," Brendon said.

  Ryan nodded. "Agreed. Best Mexican I've ever had in Vegas."

  As Brendon patted his mouth with his napkin, Ryan decided that it was now or never. He rose from his seat across from Brendon, and sat down in the empty chair beside him. Brendon looked up at him with a puzzled face.

  "Um, hi baby...did you miss me from all the way over there or something?" Brendon had a slightly amused look on his face. 

  Ryan smiled softly and took Brendon's hand. "Bren...I miss you any time we're not touching." Brendon smiled and got a soft look in his eyes as he squeezed Ryan's hand.

  "Baby," Ryan started, "I want to tell you something. You've made me the happiest I've ever been in my life. Before you, I thought I'd never be able to love again. But I am so grateful for the chance to love you. I never want to be without you."

  Ryan reached into his pocket and pulled out a black velvet box, popping the top open to display it for Brendon. Inside was a beautiful white gold band. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Brendon. Will you marry me?"

  Brendon's eyes were like saucers, gaze nailed on the ring in the box. He looked up at Ryan and grinned hugely. "Yes, Ryan! I want that more than anything!" He clutched Ryan's face in his hands and leaned forward to kiss him gently. They'd have stayed lost in the kiss for a very long time, if some clapping and whistling from surrounding tables hadn't broken through their bubble. Both grinned and blushed at the well-wishers surrounding them. 

  Brendon leaned back over his own seat, and Ryan said, "Can I put this ring on you, babe?" Brendon nodded happily. Ryan slid it on, fitting Brendon's finger perfectly

  "Wow," Brendon whispered in awe, as he looked as his engagement band. "Wait, Ry - you need one too!"

  Ryan grinned sheepishly. "My matching one is waiting at home. You can put it on me after we get their. This date was about you."

  Brendon leaned forward and cupped his cheek. "How did I get so fucking lucky to find a man like you? You were worth the wait, Ryan Ross."

——

  Later that evening, the boys were cuddled in bed together, admiring their engagement bands. Both were over the moon with happiness.

  "So Bren, how do you want to do this wedding? I mean, obviously we have a small circle of people we're close to, so it won't be large in any case, but what are your thoughts?"

  "Well," Brendon began, "I don't know about you, but I'd love to do this as soon as possible. It would be ideal if we could marry and go on our honeymoon before we move to LA. Perhaps we could set up a small, elegant wedding with a judge somewhere here in town? Then your dad and my parents can be there, and that's it. It would be fun to keep it a secret and surprise our friends."

  Ryan grinned. "I like it. It's better than eloping because our parents would be hurt If we didn't include them, but putting one over on Jon and Spencer will never not be fun," he chuckled.

  Brendon squeezed Ryan as he laughed. "Ok, that's decided. Honeymoon?"

  Ryan turned on his side and tangled legs with Brendon. "Well...call me a sappy romantic, but...I've always thought Paris would be an amazing honeymoon."

  Brendon smiled softly and carded his hand through Ryan's hair gently. "Well, then I'm a sap too. Because I can only imagine how romantic Paris would be with you. And I know I would love it."

  Ryan's face lit up. "Really, baby?? Oh thank you, Bren! That's like a dream come true for me!"  He learned forward and kissed Brendon passionately.

  Brendon smiled once they broke the kiss. "It's my pleasure sweetheart. We better get a nice room, though. One with a huge, comfortable bed. I plan to ravish you senseless in it." Brendon grinned wickedly. 

  Ryan grinned back mischievously. "What a coincidence! I had the same plan!" They both laughed and flushed their bodies together in embrace.


	12. Chapter 12

Ryan swiftly unlocked the hotel room door, and tugged Brendon in by the hand. The bell hop followed in behind them, carefully placing their luggage by the closet doors. Brendon dug in his pocket, offering the man a tip, who nodded politely, said 'merci beau coup', and exited the room quickly. 

Ryan then pulled Brendon over to the window, where there was a glass door leading to the balcony. They opened it, stepping outside, and took in the grand view of the Eiffel Tower that their lodging offered. 

"Wow," Ryan whispered in awe. He turned to Brendon, beaming. Brendon stepped forward, pulling Ryan close, and kissed him sweetly. "Happy honeymoon, baby." 

Ryan rested his forehead against Brendon's, and closed his eyes. It was nearly too much for Ryan to take in. "I almost can't believe this is real," he said. "This is a dream come true. A Paris honeymoon with the most wonderful husband I could ever have."

Brendon cupped Ryan's cheek. "I love you. So much. We deserve this, Ry. We both waited long enough." Brendon then pulled Ryan back into the room. He shut the balcony door, and drew the drapes back across the windows. He walked over and chained and dead bolted the door. Then he pinned Ryan with the most smoldering, seductive look Ryan had ever seen. Then in two long strides, he was on Ryan, kissing him as if his life depended on it. 

Ryan responded immediately, sinking his hands into Brendon's hair. He would never get over how amazing something as simple as kissing felt with Brendon, much less where things were headed next. 

Brendon broke the kiss and feverishly began to unbutton Ryan's shirt. Once he'd gotten it undone and pushed off, he grasped Ryan back against him and began kissing down his jaw to his neck, running his tongue lightly over Ryan's pulse point. Ryan moaned, "Brendon...fuck...."

  "I can't believe," Brendon said panting, "that you're really mine." He kissed up to Ryan's ear, gently tugging on the lobe with his teeth. "You're so fucking beautiful."

  Ryan moaned again, grasping Brendon's shoulders tightly. "I am yours, baby, forever," he said breathily. "Let's get us both out of these clothes."

   Ryan separated from Brendon, and just as feverishly as his husband, unbuttoned and removed Brendon's shirt. They made short work of each other's pants and boxers as well, and stripped their socks. Like a magnetic force, they clung back together in a tight embrace to feel each other's skin, and began to make out once again. 

   "Ry," Brendon whispered to his ear, "I want to be inside you."

  Ryan groaned. "Yes baby...want you." He tilted his head and kissed Brendon hotly.

  After a moment, Brendon pulled back and looked Ryan right in the eye. "Ry...I want you to ride me. I want to hold you tight and look right into your eyes."

  Ryan thought he might come from that image alone. "God yes, Bren," he choked out. Then he stepped close and nipped at his husband's neck. "But first, finger me open, nice and slow. I'll be begging you for it."

  Brendon whimpered. "Fuck yes. Lie back, gorgeous."

  Ryan climbed onto the bed while Brendon got into their carry-on and brought over the bottle of lube. Ryan was already lying on the bed, waiting for his husband once he got there. Brendon could see how hard he was already, leaking against his own belly. 

  Without any warning, Brendon leaned down and gently grasped Ryan's hard cock. He swirled his tongue around the head, lapping up his husband's pre-come. Ryan always tasted so fucking good to him.

"Oh shit, Brendon," Ryan gasped. Brendon was a pro at turning him on. "I can't take too much - I'll come."

Brendon laid down between Ryan's legs and leaned over him, brushing noses. "Baby, we're both going to be coming a lot over the next few days," he said with an evil grin. Ryan laughed, remembering the shy virgin he'd taken all those months ago. Oh, how times had changed...

Brendon grabbed the lube he'd laid on the bedside table and tossed it near Ryan's feet. Then he took his time kissing a path down Ryan's body, slowing things down a bit. He finally kissed both inner thighs gently before he thoroughly lubed three fingers, and eased the first inside.

  Brendon moved back up Ryan's body while he worked the first finger in and out, and kissed his husband slowly. Ryan's face was displaying pleasure, and he moaned softly. Brendon couldn't get over how much Ryan turned him on. It had only grown from that first night they'd made love. 

   Once he was gliding the first finger in and out easily,  Brendon added the second. Ryan's breathing hitched for a moment, then he hummed out a content noise. "Bren," he breathed, "...feels so good."

  Brendon smiled and brushed noses with Ryan. "Good, baby. I wanna make you feel so good. Wanna take care of you always."

  Ryan looked up at him with a lazy smile and half-lidded eyes. Cupping Brendon's cheek with his palm, he said, "You always do, love. I love you."

   Brendon smiled down at him and leaned in to kiss Ryan once again. As they were kissing, Brendon pressed his fingers in deep and and bent the tips, looking for the spot to bring his husband so much pleasure. He felt his fingertips connect with the firm bud, and Ryan broke the kiss, clutching Brendon's shoulders tight and crying out.

  "That's it, lover. Let me hear you," Brendon breathed. It was so hot, he could barely stand it. He scissored his fingers a couple of times, then pulled back a bit and added the third. As much as he wanted to make Ryan a shivering, begging mess, he wanted to be inside him, too. 

  Brendon scissored his fingers a few more times, and then began short, repeated bursts of rubbing over Ryan's prostate. That was guaranteed to get things moving. 

  "Bren," Ryan whined, "take me now. Please baby, let me ride you." Ryan sounded desperate. 

   "Shhh, baby," Brendon soothed him. He gently removed his fingers and almost instantly, Ryan sat up, clutching Brendon to him tightly, and kissing him hard. Then Ryan moved to sit on his knees while Brendon got into place, putting a pillow behind his back and leaning back against the headboard. Ryan swiftly moved over and straddled Brendon's lap, while Brendon held the base of his own cock. Ryan moved so the head was right against his entrance, then sunk down onto Brendon, achingly slowly. 

   Ryan rested his forehead against Brendon and clutched his shoulders, breathing deeply. He then kissed Brendon sweetly for a long moment, and said shakily  "I love you so much, Bren."

  Brendon wrapped his arms tightly around Ryan and rubbed his back gently as he nosed at his ear. "I love you too, Ry. You feel incredible. I can't believe we're here." That statement brought Ryan back to their first time again, when Brendon had said the same thing. 

   Brendon leaned in to kiss Ryan, and gently bucked his hips up. Ryan moaned into the kiss as he began to work his hips on his husband. They built a slow rhythm in time with one another, staring intently into each other's eyes.

They held each other as tightly as they could, yet still work their hips together. Brendon shifted and tilted his hips, looking for the right angle to drive into Ryan's prostate. After a short while, he knew he'd connected when Ryan froze up and cried out. 

"Brendon...God. Feels so good...Nghn."

Brendon hummed, pleased at giving pleasure to his husband's body. "Mmmm, baby. I love to make you feel good." He reached down and grasped Ryan's cock, starting to stroke him slowly. 

Ryan whined in satisfaction. "Oh fuck, baby..." He began moving faster in Brendon's lap. Brendon groaned and bucked his hips harder, starting to lose his rhythm as he approached his peak.

"Ry," Brendon panted, "I'm getting close, baby." 

"Me too, Bren," Ryan returned. Brendon stroked Ryan faster, and rubbed his thumb over the head. Suddenly, Ryan was unbearably tight around Brendon, and he buried his head in Brendon's shoulder as he came between their bodies.

Brendon thrust twice more, and then came deep inside his husband's body with a long groan. They rode out the aftershocks together, kissing relentlessly, until it slowed down to lazy, glowy pecks. 

Brendon nuzzled into Ryan's neck, and breathed in that definitive scent that was just Ryan. "God, baby...you're amazing."

Ryan smiled lovingly at his husband. "Wrong, babe...we're amazing together." He leaned in and they continued to kiss, content to be right where they were for the moment.


	13. Epilogue

Ryan heard the door, and hurried to answer it. He pulled the door back and broke into a huge grin. "Hey guys!"

  On the other side of the doorway, stood Spencer and Jon, with their wives Linda and Cassie. The group all smiled and said their hellos as Ryan moved aside so they could come in. The guys had finally been able to find an evening in everyone's schedule that worked to have the group over to their LA place.

  Just then, Brendon came into the living room. "Oh man, I'm so glad you guys are all here. Welcome, finally, to our new home!"

  Ryan and Brendon had finally moved out to LA, like Jon and Spencer, about a month prior. They both found better prospects for work in LA than they'd had in Vegas. Brendon took the job at Fueled By Ramen, assisting Spencer. Ryan got a job at a publishing house, doing editing work. They made better money and had a nicer apartment. Life in LA was an improvement they were really enjoying. 

  They had been together just over two years now, and married for a little over two months. Ryan was as happy as he'd ever been in his life. He was so in love with Brendon, now his husband. He was so incredibly glad that he'd finally broken through and managed to let go of the past and not denied himself the chance for happiness with this wonderful man.

  Brendon brought everyone through the hall and into their living and dining room, bringing drinks for everyone to enjoy. Brendon, too, was so content and happy in his life, especially with Ryan. He didn't mind all the crappy dates he had suffered through anymore, because they made him appreciate the amazing man he'd married that much more. 

  "So guys," Spencer began, "I know me and everyone else is dying to know: what's this big surprise you guys have for us?" The guys still hadn't told anyone close to them (outside their parents who were there) that they had gotten married. 

  Ryan turned to Brendon and grinned. Brendon stepped closer to his side and slid his arm around Ryan's waist, a sweet smile gracing his lips. Ryan slipped his arm around Brendon's shoulders and squeezed, as he turned and kissed his temple gently.

  "Guys! You are killing us here!" Jon laughed. 

  "Ok, ok," Brendon chuckled. "Well...remember when we went to Paris on vacation a few weeks ago?"

  Spencer rolled his eyes. "Of course we do, goofball. It's only been a few weeks, like you said."

  "Yeah...well, we didn't exactly go on vacation," Ryan said, smiling.

  "What?" Jon asked, looking confused. "What exactly did you do then?"

  Brendon looked at Ryan, and they both reached inside their shirts and pulled out chains, threaded through matching gold rings. "We went there to have a honeymoon," Brendon grinned. "We got married a little over two months ago."

  "Holy shit!" Jon exclaimed, jaw dropped and eyes wide. "Guys, that is awesome! We're so happy for you!" He walked quickly over and pulled Brendon into a hug, Spencer doing the same with Ryan. 

  They broke from the hugs and Spencer wiped a tear from his eye, smiling at both men. "Seriously, this is just the best news. You guys belong together."

  Ryan looked at Brendon warmly, and Brendon smiled back at him. "Thanks, Spence.  There's absolutely no doubt about that."

\- FIN     -


End file.
